I haven’t gone a single day since the diagnosis without shedding tears. Some days it’s been a little trickle for five minutes. Other days it’s been like the heavens have opened for hours. As a Goth, I have found myself asking “am I going to be the only Colostomy in the Graveyard!?” and that made me realise that my dark humorous side was trying to push its way in as well. I didn’t think at first I could make comedy out of this. Due to the need to put walls between myself and the unstoppable rampage of Depression, Anxiety and C-PTSD, over the years I have developed a very dark sense of humour. I’ve both been called very funny and utterly inappropriate. But for all my jokes towards others, whoever they may be, I am a master of self deprecating. I was long taught not to take myself so seriously, and while I have utterly failed at that due to Autism scrambling my brain, I took up the “make fun of yourself” to keep a smile on your face approach.
Since the diagnosis I have found myself making more and more dark humour out of the circumstances.. Or Circumcancers. Like, Own the diagnosis. Own the condition. Own the new normal. Right? I’ve certainly worn myself out crying over it. It’s never meant to be offensive to others, either. Certainly not like certain politicians targeting Muslim women.. or certain comedians and their holocaust references, after all.. (I’m sure we all know who I am referring to there!) surely those of us who live it also have the right to laugh it.
I have also been raiding the Internet and my social media feeds for a whole host of barking mad cancer and Stoma related memes. I just hope that laughing isn’t going to bring on a Hernia.. Some of the things the darkly comedic side of my brain has come up with in the past few weeks have been something like this: I told David, who is an IT tech, that My system has been corrupted and I need a USB installed with an external hard drive. I asked myself somewhere along the line “Did you consider naming your Stoma after ((insert pop music singer here)) because their songs are utterly shit?!” I have gained a new qualification from the University of Life.. My Stoma Diploma. As a certified geek I pulled one about Levelling Up, or Colostomy. Legendary Item. Binds when equipped.
Cancer is going to leave me with baggage. Colostomy baggage. I just hope that my surgery is not going to take my sense of humour away, since it is taking so much else.
The Gothstomate 